Welp, word is out! I am knocked up AF. Since I couldn’t really share how I was feeling since I have been living in hiding – I tried to make some notes of how I was feeling every week to share with you guys. I promise to always keep it 100 with you guys. Here’s what you can expect from my pregnancy journey: the truth. How I’m really feeling, my body struggles, the good, the bad and the ugly. And here is my first trimester diary to explain how I’ve been feeling the past 3ish months.
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First Trimester Diary
This is when we found out. Yes, it’s a honeymoon baby. I had no clue how quickly this would all happen. We both stupidly assumed that it would take around a year to actually conceive. When people ask if we were trying, we say kind of. It wasn’t an accident, but not entirely on purpose if that makes sense. I had used the app Flo to track my cycles – and the first time I ovulated after the wedding – BAM!
How I knew I was Pregnant:
On Tuesday, I was running in Katie’s class and my boobs hurt a suspicious amount. It was more than PMS hurt and I was a little confused but didn’t really think anything of it. I was supposed to go to Costa Rica that Saturday and last-minute freaked out about Zika – so maybe deep down I already knew. The next day I went to Causwell’s with Samantha, which is my favorite burger in San Francisco. I hadn’t had one in forever and was so excited. One bite in and I wanted to puke. It was NOT GOOD. At this point, I was panicking on the inside. I took a test as soon as I got home and called Emily and asked what to do – haha. It was a very faint second line – just like her first test with William. I always had a big plan to tell her and have Joe secretly film it for you guys, but things didn’t really work out that way. I also called another one of my best friends whose response was “OMG me too! ” Our due dates are three days apart! Then everything made sense – remember the jet lag I just couldn’t shake, yeah, it wasn’t from flying economy for 17 hours, but because I was freaking pregnant.
How I told Joe:
I am not good at keeping secrets, nor am I weird about making things like this a big “surprise.” I literally just threw the test at him when he got home from work and then made him take me to Olive Garden. The first few weeks were filled with a lot of shock, not going to lie. And so much fear. Fear we weren’t ready. Fear we couldn’t afford it. Fear that we would lose the baby. Basically a million thoughts a day. I was worried all day every day and then my mama told me that she hasn’t stopped worrying and I’m 33 — great, lol!
I went home to Reno to shoot a ton of campaigns with Emily. I was freaking out about my skin. I was broken out like crazy, so so so bloated and STARVING. I really only wanted to eat bread and cheese – neither of which I really ate before this. When I got my photos back that week, I thought it was so obvious I was pregnant. My face was so puffy and seeing the photos gave me a huge pit. It was really hard to leave Joe that week but Emily and my mom took such good care of me. The thing that shocked me the most was how FAST your body changes — I obviously knew things would change but thought it would be much more gradual.
This is when the big heatwave happened and holy hell I was DYING. First of all, I was terrified because when you’re pregnant you’re not allowed in a hot tub or sauna which is what our entire house felt like. My bed was also broken during this time so to say I was miserable Is a true understatement. We had to leave for Austin to shoot the collection this week, and I was still too early to tell anyone. I have never in my life felt more insecure getting photos back. None of the bottoms that I took with me fit, I had to size up in a few items, I thought everything looked big from my face and arms to my stomach and thighs. Something that should have been such an exciting moment was the opposite for me. They were such different angles than I am used to, and the clothes weren’t fitting like they should – and worst of all, I was just so scared it was obvious. I haven’t freaked out about my body like that in a really long time. Being curvy and pregnant sucks – everyone just thinks you are gaining weight – which you are, rapidly. But because of my hormones and food, I was just SO bloated and swollen.
This is the week Emily came to visit and we went to wine country for the bachelorette. This is also the week I started feeling nauseous. My symptoms up to this point were really just sore boobs, hunger, and peeing A LOT. I read that a lot of people experience morning sickness starting week 7, and like clockwork it came. Mine was always in the afternoon. I have to do my workouts in the morning or else there is no way I could get it done. Knock on wood – I haven’t actually thrown up yet.
Weeks 8 & 9:
This was the week I could finally see the doctor. We were super anxious about this appointment because we hadn’t seen anyone yet and didn’t really know what to expect. Most of all, we were nervous about the heartbeat. Besides learning that I had already gained a lot of weight (great), we also saw the baby and learned that the little nugget had a very strong heartbeat. Thank god. Literally, right after this appointment, I got on a flight to Reno to launch the collection. Talk about a whirlwind. Getting up at 3 am and staying awake all day was SO rough – and took me actual days of naps to recover from. At this point, I was still paranoid that everyone would catch on because of my lack of IG stories, but I just had no motivation and was sleeping allll day.
Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. Guys. All I have to say is God bless Emily. The hardest part of this whole thing has just been lack of energy and motivation. It’s especially hard because we’re both used to being up and working by 6 and not stopping until midnight. The last thing on earth I wanted to do was a million try ons and she really crushed it for both of us. I also didn’t want to lie about sizing and have you guys get the wrong size — it was all just a mess on my end haha. But we got through it and hopefully no one even noticed!
This week was probably my hardest – I was super down on myself body-wise. I already felt like I was showing and I wasn’t even in the second trimester yet. There aren’t a lot of girls my size on IG who are pregnant right now — if you know any please let me know their handles. But there is a lot of size 0-2 girls who are pregnant that I just can’t relate to so that was really hard. I wish I was craving salads and vegetables but that’s just not the case. My body has turned into a cheese-eating machine which is wild, because before I very rarely ate it.
I finished up my genetic testing this week and got to have another ultrasound! I love seeing little baby. It’s so crazy. All the testing went well and we were so relieved. The ultrasound tech said the baby was really good at posing so I loved that, lol. I am counting down the days until I am out of the first trimester and finally in the “safe zone” to tell more people — although I didn’t really follow that rule – I will explain more later!
Weeks 13 & 14:
I was sooooo ready to get out of the first trimester. It was at this point where I finally stopped craving sugar and alllll the toast and started eating more normal portions and craving things like fruit and salads. I could eat a wedge salad every single day! I went to Tahoe this week and was feeling good the whole time. I stayed out of the sun and just got a lot of rest and relaxation. I felt super recharged after that trip and the day we got back I found out baby’s gender!!! Because the genetic tests our doctor recommended didn’t test for the gender, and I couldn’t wait 6 more weeks, I found a special ultrasound place nearby who could tell me at 14 weeks! Em did this with all of her babies too! I went to Fetal4D in Millbrae.
Rebecca from @mommyinheels has had such cute style this summer during her pregnancy and she is a great body positive blogger that I believe is typically a size 12-14. Congratulations Ashley! 2nd trimester is when you’ll “wake up” and hopefully start to enjoy it!
Congratulations! I can totally relate to being beyond excited about creating a human being inside of you and at the same time feeling down on yourself because of the weight gain. I’m only 5 ft. and I was showing well before 12 weeks and I didn’t want to say anything but it was obvious either I was pregnant or had a burrito belly after lunch! It made me realize how unkind we are to ourselves as well as the pressure women are under when it comes to weight. Just remember you are carrying another life and that is amazing! Wishing you and Joe the best!